Happily In Pursuit.

Well, I broke my back. I was mountain biking, I leaned back a little too far, I reached the fulcrum point of my dirt jump bike, and I looped out and landed on my back. Luckily I only cracked one vertebra on the anterior surface. It’s OK and I will make a full recovery. I hate telling people I hurt myself because then they always say, “I’m so sorry, are you ok?” and the answer is yes, I’m fine. I hate it when people feel sorry for me, so I usually just say, “yes, I’m fine” even if I’m not. But I am fine aren’t I? Even if I don’t think I am. I am so blessed and privileged that for me to show even the slightest discontent would be grossly frivolous. My life is amazing, and so is yours. Yes, my back hurts, but my access to modern medicine is enviable around the world. Its all relative, and relatively speaking, we all have it pretty damn good.

I turn 27 years old this week. When I was 7, or even 17, I would have never guessed in a million years that I would be here with a broken back writing this right now. When I was 7 I wanted to either be a Vintner or a Garbage Man. This was back when the garbage man still rode on the back of the truck, I thought that looked like fun. As for being a vintner, I was a very strange child. When I was 17 I had no idea what I wanted to do, all I did know was that I wanted to be a millionaire and drive around Ferraris. I had no plan of action to obtain that goal, but that’s what I wanted. And here I am, 27, a part time graphic designer and a part time warehouse manager with a broken back and thinning hair. And you know what? It’s amazing. I didn’t plan any of this. My “wildest dreams” did not come true; I’m just a putz living in a suburb. But here is the thing about dreams. You’re always told that dreams are something to attain, like you can own them someday. Put them in a mason jar under the mattress and save them for a rainy day. This is not true. The pursuit of happiness? Bullshit, but only the pursuit part.

Happiness is not a destination, it is a realization.

I have a friend who writes a blog called Finding Freedom. Here is the thing though, freedom is already here, it’s not lost, you don’t have to find it; you already have it. You just have to see it. People think that “if I quit doing ‘x’ I will be happy” or if I start doing ‘y’ then I will be happy” or “if I have ‘z’ then I will be complacent”. Happiness is not just around the corner, its right in front of you. Its all around you, its in you right now. All you have to do is open your eyes. Nothing can make you unhappy, or angry or sad or anything else for that matter. You can only make yourself these things. Say a gust of wind comes and messes up your hair. Did the wind make you angry or did you choose to be?

I struggled with depression for years as a teenager and young adult. I took anti depressant pills and everything, the whole works. I know I know, If you are unhappy its always because “X” made you unhappy or because “Y” hurt your feelings, never because you chose to react that way to the situation right? Wrong, it’s a choice, it’s an awakening. This American dream that has been shoved down our throats, want this, want that, want more, want more. If you live in a $600,000 house you want a $1,000,000 one, that will make you happy. (Guess what happens when you get to that million dollar house?) You Drive a BMW? If you had a Land Rover you would be happy. You have a flat screen? A bigger one would make you happier. Overweight? If you loose 50 lbs you will be happy. And on it goes. Its not real, its BS. Sure there are moments of happiness sprinkled in here and there but when does it end? When do we realize that we are no happier in a 3 million dollar mansion than we are in a $20,000 trailer home? The answer is when we finally open our eyes and look around. When we finally realize that this peak that we all try to climb to, this Mt. Happiness, is all smoke and mirrors. Its like raking leaves in the wind. We have to stop relying on the things that don’t matter to make us happy, because eventually the ether will wear off and we will still want more. We need to stop relying on each other to make us happy because people will let us down, whether they mean to or not. And we have to start making that choice to open our eyes and look around and realize that happiness and freedom have been side by side with us the whole time.

All these things by the way, the Ferrari, the mansion, the yachts, loosing weight etc. these aren’t bad things. These are very good things. The problem arises when we put these things on a golden pedestal and say, “I can’t be happy until I attain them”. If these things are your goal, as they are mine, then go get them! But you must cut the tether that your goals have on your happiness. Because that’s not how that works. Why should you not be happy in your pursuit?