Fashionable food

Food is good right? I mean like really good. Some food is better than others, some food is downright gross, but sustaining. Food is a big part of my life and lets face it, it’s a big part of your life too. Think of the last great time you had with your friends. Was there food involved? Probably. What about a favorite childhood memory, any food there? Most likely. So what happened? Chances are that anyone that was born in the nineties didn’t have many sit down with the family every night dinners. It’s a little sad and a little eye opening. I think the dinner table is a sort of cultural barometer. It shows where our priorities are at any given point in time, from the fast food boom and hustle and bustle of the eighties and the dot come, “I’ll have a triple-non-fat-carmel-three-pump-americano-machiato, to go please” of the nineties, we emerged into the new millennium not really giving a shit about what we ate, or where it came from. But then, all of the sudden, we did. Something changed. There was a network on TV devoted to food, the slow foods movement came and people started to care about where the food they put into their mouths came from, and this is a good thing.
But lets be honest here. Hasn’t it gotten a little out of hand? If I here fair-trade-free-range one more time I’m going to shit a brick, as in “I ONLY eat free range organic fair trade lima beans.” Come on, you don’t care, you think your friends care, but they don’t. They only care because they think you care. You have a t-shirt from the local co-op but you eat street food from a guy who probably stores his kebabs in baby panda pelts. It’s gotten to the point where food is a fashion accessory, like your ugly mustache, or your t-shirt that doesn’t fit. So here is what I will do for you. Lets talk about some food phrases and foods you can eat that will surely get you some street cred at the next Vampire Weekend concert.

The number one most fashionable food, and don’t forget to bring it up anytime your can, is Pho. Pho is so hot right now I think I saw it with ray bans and a fixie the other day. And don’t be so naïve as to say “PHO”, its pronounced “phaUHhh”, everyone will know you’re a fake. And it is good, oh so good, salt savory beefy. Yum. And P.S. there is no such thing as vegetarian pho.

Number two. Sushi. Its not as hot as it used to be. It used to be dangerous and trendy, now every real housewife of wherever eats it on every episode. On second thought sushi is lame, don’t even bother.

Number three. Anything ethnic. But don’t just say, “We went out for Mexican”, say “We had some delicious ethnic food last week.” It also helps if it’s slightly exotic, like Indian, or Greek.

Number four. Small birds. Mention you had quail last night and you will be respected. Mention you know what an Ortolan Bunting is and the proper way to eat it and you will be a god.

Side note, Co-ops, join one and ride your bike to it, smile at the hippie girl at the counter, and comment on the freshness of the cukes. You will be invited to the next cheese tasting.

Number five. Street food. Insert the term street food into as many conversations as possible so people know you’re serious about food AND you’re down with the working class.

There it is, follow these rules and you will be a foodie faster than a vegan to a peace rally.
I hope you enjoy your next bowl of fresh, local, sustainable, free-trade, pho.