Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Derelict Couture

What is it with kids these days? What the heck are they wearing? I mean, I don’t want to sound like a liver spotted old curmudgeon, but seriously? If you haven’t in a while, just take a walk around the nearest liberal arts college and just have a look. It would seem like the current fashion is to see who can spend the most money to look the most homeless. $180 oil stained T-shirt? Sure! $250 Paint splattered jeans? Yup. (which is ridiculous because ill sell you my old work jeans for a fiver)
I consider myself to be trendy or stylish or whatever, but this is just too far. I just can’t hang with this new “Derelict Couture.” I mean really seriously look around, it looks like were living in a production of Stomp. Its time for someone to take a stand, to say “what the hell are you wearing, nobody likes this. Your friends don’t even like this.” Somebody’s got to do it. I guess I will. There have been some epically bad style trends over the past 2 years, the worst of which is the ed hardy/affliction/ true religion trend.
Ed Hardy, the picture of what is wrong with America. First there was the Ed Hardy shirts on sale for $300 at your favorite boutique and for some reason every celebrity f**ktard and eurotrash wannabe on the planet had to have one. Then they started to show up in Dillards for a little less, then they hit the discount store like Ross for $30 bucks and suddenly every sleazy grease-ball in America could afford it. And they bought them by the truckloads. Christian Audigier, the creator of Ed Hardy, realized the potential of this and started to make absolutely everything with the Ed Hardy logo on it. Sneakers, underwear, car floor mats sold at Wal-Mart, bandanas, air fresheners toilet paper, (seriously) fingernail clippers, socks, and temporary tattoos. It just went to far. If you want to look like Brad Clooney or Orlando Efron, just give it up, you don’t look like them. And no amount of white sunglasses and sequined shirts is going to help. You’re a plumber, deal with it. And don’t go thinking you can get away with Affliction, it’s the same crap just shinier. And don’t even get me started on the True Religion BS. Just because you spend $350 on a pair of jeans doesn’t mean your interesting. It means you’re most likely dense, because no one with a working brain would spend $350 on a pair of jeans and be OK with it. There should be a set of rules for men’s fashion. In fact here they are in case you’re reading this in your Ed Hardy underwear.

1. No white sunglasses, Its black or tortoise shell only.
2. No puka shell necklaces. Period.
3. No jeans with flip-flops after dusk. When you’re going out at night put some damn shoes on. Even during the day its questionable, but ill let it pass
4. Buy clothes that fit, no skinny jeans.
5. Please don’t whiten your teeth or get a fake tan. Everyone can tell and everyone thinks you’re a prick.
6. No sequins or shiny foil on your shirts.
7. No sweatpants or workout clothes in public, Going to see a movie in a red tracksuit is not cool. (and women, NO PAJAMAS IN PUBLIC! I don’t care if your in college and your late for your class, put some clothes on and dry your hair)

That’s all I’ve got right now. If you think of something else please add it to the list. And for god sake, stop getting dressed in the dark, you look like a garbage man.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Emotional Gastronomy

I LOVE food, Its one of my favorite things. I love to cook it, I love to eat it, I love to smell it. But most of all I love how food makes me feel. There is nothing else for me. A good Foi-Gras, Duck confit, Nachos, Crab legs, Pho, a curry, hamburgers… Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter, As long as it’s fresh and prepared with care. I’m a bit of a foodie. Most people go to the clubs or the bars, My idea of the best night out is trying that new French restaurant, or looking for the best Pho in the city. (Is there anything better than Pho? I’m not sure I have found anything. Salty, rare beef, sometimes a little liver thrown in, just absolute savory goodness.) Food stirs up emotions in us that really noting else can. Think back to when you were a kid. Do you remember what you got for Christmas when you were 7? No, but you remember the taste of the Christmas ham or the gooey warm deliciousness of cookies and milk. Food can do that. It can bring families, even nations, together. It can tear people apart. Wars have been fought over food and its ingredients and peace treaties negotiated over a dinner table.
For me the first time I noticed that I really liked food was when I was maybe 13 years old. We were visiting my aunt and uncle in Clearwater, Florida. They took us to a little Greek restaurant on the sponge docks of the city, and they stunk so bad. I sat down wide eyed at the menu (all in Greek as I remember, maybe I just didn’t know what any of it was though) my uncle ordered and soon a table full of strange and weird looking things was at our table. Crab, stuffed grape leaves, good breads and olives I had never had before. I reached for a stuffed grape leaf and put it on my plate. It was the least sinister looking thing at the table. I cut into it and stuck it, reluctantly, in my mouth. And to my surprise it was cold! But it wasn’t terrible. The flavors were so complex and the spices so overpowering that I had to have more. Thus began my love affair with food.
Fast forward 12 years and I’m still smitten. A good steak? Yes please. Oysters? Why not! Sushi? Oh god yes. There is too much good food out there not to try it all. I will never understand how someone could be a vegetarian. Yes the animals are cute. But they are also dumb. What are these animals gonna do? Go to college? NO! Eat them! Beef is good, duck is SO good. I would just feel like I’m missing out. Not only that, but also, most people In this world don’t have the good fortune to be vegetarian. Remember this, Vegetarianism is a first world luxury; you should count yourself lucky to be able to be one.
I think my favorite thing, and something we don’t have a lot of here in the U.S. is street food. There is a place in Santa Fe that is literally just a makeshift cart that gets set up every day in the main plaza. They have the absolute best Chicken and Machaca fajitas I have ever had. Ever. I have no problem eating something out of a cart or a van, as long as it tastes good.
My next favorite thing is cured meats. Salami, Pate’, proscuto, sausages, smoked salmon and other Charcuterie for me are just the best. A little cheese and bread and I’m in heaven. And my next favorite thing… Who am I kidding? It’s all my favorite thing. Life is too short to eat bad food. So get out there and try something new. You might just fall in love.