This really is terrible. Am I a bad person?

Teenagers. They are just terrible aren’t they? If you are, right now, currently plagued by being a teenager, I have some news for you. Nobody likes you. Not even your parents. (maybe a little bit your parents) Who among you has ever met a teenager and thought, “wow, his insight and intellect just blew me away?” I see maybe one hand. Teenager=prick, its just the truth, I don’t care if you’re the nicest teenager ever, you’re a pick. Hell, teenagers don’t even like teenagers. Its ok, I was a prick too, we all were. I think you might need to be a prick during those years. Maybe it allows you to emerge, like a butterfly if you will, into the land of the useful. The teenage years are sort of an “adulthood trial run”. You’re given a little room to make some decisions. If you get them right, good job! If not, well, you’re an idiot teenager. Sometimes the decisions are much larger than any teenager should ever be expected to make, most of the time they are trivial. You think you’re an adult and can make rational, mindful life decisions but its not until you actually are an adult that you realize, “I was a colossal narrow minded cock for the better part of 9 years.” (I’m counting 21 and under as teenager) the problem happens when you emerge from of the cauldron of teenagedom physically but not mentally. Sadly this happens more often than not. Why does this happen you ask? I don’t know, I’m blaming Obama, but really something needs to happen. I think I have a solution. We need to keep a constant reminder in front of our teenagers that they actually are terrible human beings and they have a lot of work ahead of them before they will be accepted members of society. Right this very moment, as I am typing these words, a youth is walking past our backyard singing as loud as she can. “She’s just being young!” you say, “Let her enjoy herself!”. Here is the thing, she is a terrible singer. Horrible. It sounds like what I imagine a wood chipper would sound like if you were feeding a steady stream of feral cats through it’s business end. Now see, nobody will ever put there foot down and say, “sweetheart, I love you but your singing sounds like pigs humping.” She is going to be one of those awful people on Americas Got Idols or whatever who are just atrociously bad singers but they don’t know it, just completely delusional. When she’s singing at the auditions she thinks “dayumn. Whitney better watch out” when everyone else just thinks, “how did her parents let this happen?” Humiliation is the key to the success of your children and this country. Humiliate your kids daily! All this “you can be anything you want to be” junk is ridiculous. Your son is not going to be a doctor, his thumbs barely oppose. I think it should be “you can be anything you want to be, within reason.”