withering minds

Good Lord I’m bored. I mean, not just right now, like, all the time. I work at a car dealership and I sell cars to people with more money than sense. Its all a lot of fun sometimes, however most of the time I’m just sitting and waiting for someone to pull onto the lot and probably not buy a car. For example, today I’ve watched two episodes of 30 Rock, the new Winter Wipeout, and yesterdays Tonight Show. And that’s all before lunch. Its now 2:44 and no one has come in. It’s not like this job is too terribly hard either. Seriously, you could do this job even if your thumbs don’t oppose. I generally do two or three crosswords a day but this is proving to be less and less stimulating. My desk is right in the middle of the showroom floor so I can see everything that goes on. It’s gotten to the point where I have started to chart everyone’s comings and goings just to make graphs about their daily habits. You know, things like how frequently they pee and when. When they go to lunch and how long, I keep a daily journal of this crap. Somebody please help me! And I’m not the only one who apparently thinks this place is absolutely, drool inducingly, boring. I found a list in my desk that the previous guy who sat here made. His name was Skip and it is entitled “Skip’s Good List/ Shit List”. It’s a sheet of paper, divided into two halves with a line down the middle. One side is people you can’t trust, or “shit list” and on the other, people you can trust, “good list”.

People you cant trust are as follows (mostly men); Politicians (all levels), Doctors, Lawyers, Clergy, Judges, Dentists, TV Newscasters, Policemen, Firemen, Pro Sports owners and players, College Coaches, Non-white people living in pre-fab’s, men in shorts, men with beards and generally sloppy looking people.

The people you can trust are (mostly women); Dogs and Cats, Prostitutes, The Augusta Masters Committee, young children, Lady golfers, Bar Tenders, Retired Military or senior enlisted, school teachers, Automobile Salesmen, Grandparents, Small business owners, Clean cut people, and all wild animals.

And do you know what? I have sold cars to, or met and dealt with, almost all of these people. And I agree completely. I have never met a fireman I could trust, and I’m definitely leery of grown men in shorts. (And yes I have sold a car to a prostitute) There is something about buying a car that makes people weird. They just think Im trying to pull the wool over their eyes or something, when in reality I’m just trying to make a living.

Anyway, that’s beside the point. The point is I’m BORED, and so was Skip. A monkey could do this job. Really all you have to do is show up on time and be nice. (even that’s not a qualification for some people) and it got me thinking, why don’t more people have jobs? Seriously? Even the densest of Neanderthals could sell cars. You may be thinking, “But Cory, My thumbs actually don’t oppose, I only got a 0 on my S.A.T.’s, and I’m as ugly as a Badgers Beaver. What is there for me to do?” Sure you won’t be on the cover of Victoria’s Hollywood , but this didn’t stop Dick Cheney from being vice president, or Bill Murray from being awesome, and it shouldn’t stop you from doing what you want to do. And if all else fails, Be an auto technician. How hard could that be? You take a spark plug out, you put another one it, easy-peasy.

I’m going to end this seemingly nonsensical commentary with that. If there is one thing you learn from this blog it should be this, don’t trust men in shorts but all wild animals are ok.